Holy Projectile Vomit, Batman!

Here is a true story. This really happened. Hold on to yourself. Be seated. Stop performing pilates.

This weekend I went to some Halloween parties (shocker?). The first was substance-free. We watched Evil Dead, Final Destination, the original Halloween, etc. Then I got bored with movies so I came back on campus (I had been in Essex Jct.) and went to a party here. One of my friends had been drinking for several hours and he (who stands about 5'5" and weighs maybe 120lbs) had apparently been drinking A LOT.

I was at the party for maybe 45 minutes (I was not in any way drunk, let me assure you) and was sitting on the bottom bunk when I hear my friend above me say "Someone get me a bag." He didn't say it loudly, but I heard his message loud and clear. My legs had been dangling, but within 1/2 of a microsecond, I had my legs up against my chest and was huddled far back on the bed to avoid the ensuing vomit-fest.

He vomited more than his own body weight, I am pretty sure. It was gross. Desk, floor, DVDs (even inside some cases, oddly) were covered. My shoes were across the room and somehow he got them too. It wasn't just projectile puking, either. It was a cross between the distance of a sniper rifle and the spread of a sawed-off shotgun (yes, I have been playing Fall Out 3).

The moral of the story: Leave before they vomit. If you leave after you have 'bailed' and if you don't leave after you have to help with cleanup, which can involve several hundred Kleenex tissues and one towel (that will disappear in the washer, never to be seen again).

I must admit, though. That amount of vomit was impressive. Five stars.

Lee is a douche.