The Understanding entries, to me, speak of someone who made a mistake that really wasn't their fault and then coming to own the finality of their decision without owning that it really wasn't their fault. When Ben Peek turned the car away from the truck to make it so that he wouldn't be hit, he wasn't actively trying to kill Geraldine Lee. He just jerked the wheel where he felt he would be safest, as any human would.
That he thought "fuck you" is irrelevant as even he doesn't specify what he was "fuck you"-ing. The survival instinct saved him, but he holds it against himself. In the picture of the eyes, his eyes reflect the full realization that he killed Geraldine, whom he loved, and that she would never be coming back. The understanding was false, though, in that it did not take into account that he really didn't plan on her death. Turning the wheel so that she was hit was the best option, really, when one considers that as both the side of the car with the wheel and the side of the road people drive on is backward, him turning the wheel as he did would have him moving empirically away from the oncoming truck. Thus it is plausible that he was just trying to get the entire car away from the truck.
On an unrelated note, the Personal Diary Entries were a good insight into Ben Peek's thoughts about Geraldine and life in general. The only personal diary entry that wasn't written on Oct. 12, Ben's birthday, was written shortly before Geraldine was killed. Ben had gotten a book deal and was happy and he and Geraldine were going out to celebrate. Then they somehow became pissed at each other and were driving home angry. Geraldine and her unborn baby were both killed in the crash (actually revealed in "X is where you sign your name"). Ben goes througha deep depression on his birthday, where he doesn't feel his life matters.
That's important.
The fact that he feels guilt and remorse on the day he is officially one year older is important because the guilt most likely stems from the thought that he will continue to get older but Geraldine will not. This guilt is compounded by the fact that he only sees himself as respsonsible for the accident.
Anyway, those are my thoughts. You may disagree. I may not care. That sounds harsh. I do care, really. But just a little. Don't take it personally. I never go back on an idea once I have ideated it. Forget that noise.
Finally, and on a happier note:
That only gets funny after a few minutes.
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3 comments:
i appreciate how you ended this post. this video is hysterical and i remember walking into my friends dorm a few weeks ago and he was just sitting there laughing at it for at least a half hour straight. it was kind of ridiculous but it is extremely funny none the less.
I have noticed that even when you try to have a serious post about some literary thing we talk about in class, you just randomly post a youtube video, as if you can't stand to talk about english for an entire blog post without throwing something random and off topic in. Just an observation.
Well, Erik. You are entirely correct. I like to end with something that isn't boring.
That isn't, strictly speaking, true. I generally multitask (or perform sustained partial attention) and so I am watching something as I post. Then at the end I decide that since the video made it more pleasurable for me to post it might make the post more pleasurable for someone else to read. I don't want to take away that opportunity.
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