I have had a morbid obsession since Sunday night with the idea that I will die. It causes me that same queasiness that thinking about the nature of the Universe or the set of all integers causes me. Infinity is sickening because it can't be fully grasped. It can't be contained in anything, let alone our minds.
Well, I was thinking about death, and it's depressing that after however many years I get to live, I will then proceed to never, ever, never ever, nevernevernever live again. My consciousness will fade into nothing when I die and it will never again light up. No more sparks of understanding. No further learning. No memories. Time and humanity will march ever onward while I rot in the earth. Someday we might leave the earth. I will never know. Someday the Sun will go red giant and it will consume the earth, and I won't feel it happen.
It's damn depressing, and I can't get it off my mind. It's a terrible way to have to live, thinking about the fact that someday you won't live, but I can't stop myself thinking about it. My mind won't rest until it's reached some conclusion that it can accept, and the prospect of death is unacceptable to me.
It's also inevitable.
It's also terrible.
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1 comment:
which is why you focus on living life to the fullest now :3 So that when you die, you can be like "yup..."... ;o
Or not really - the goal here is to just not focus on the point that you will eventually die.
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